My Friend, the Foe
Because nobody really wishes to come face to face with you
You’re not a death sentence, yet neither one of life
Do you realize how much pain you’ve caused me, how much suffering and strife?
I didn’t always know you, we met in my 15th year,
Faint memories of my naïve demeanor and your mocking jeer.
We familiarized in high school, yet I couldn’t comprehend who you were,
Tried to outrun you, but you were an artist, this game your calling, and I only an amateur.
I remember when you would brush up against me to try to catch me off guard
When I wondered if there was a girl before me, switched out like a trading card,
And if she escaped you or fell prey to your rotting hands,
Could she fight or was she led to slaughter in a flock of your wounded lambs?
You feed off of people’s careless words, their suspicious gaze-
Every time you defeat me I get left in the dark for another few days
Crumbs on my shirt, unwashed hair, your eerie giggles fill with glee,
Wicked lies forced down my throat like Alfa Romeos at the grand prix.
Anyway, now I can’t remember life without you and wish time could be reversed,
Although I know it’s just wishful thinking – having already sprinkled your calamitous curse.
How dare you erase all the happy moments that preceded you, you narcissistic beast,
Anguish contorting my face, my entire physiognomy and identity creased.
But to you it’s not enough, you chain me to my bed and inexplicably fill my head with lies,
The curtains drawn, friends far away, me – a shell of what I once were, dehumanized.
When they say ‘be positive’, ‘sleep it off’, it’s a slap from you in the face,
A reminder it’s not just me, but the entire human race
That you have a grasp on, a hold so strong
That fools the most brilliant into thinking you’re not real, just a bit of worry gone wrong.
Finally I pop a little pill, let it run down my throat after it tastes bitter on my tongue,
While you frighten a little, pity yourself, say it’s not fair, that you’re just a hero unsung.
And when I see something sad and desperately want to cry, I know you cackle at my lost tears,
But it matters no more, as I feel you slip into the quiet of the night and disappear.
I’ve watched you make people do twisted things, made them jump, suffocate, drown,
Then you await a fictional award for your successes or maybe a crown?
When you convince people they were never meant to be, their existence a mistake,
You demand fanfare, a parade in your honour, perhaps even your name on a cake.
I’ve learned you’re mischievous, conniving, but just know you haven’t sealed my fate,
All these years have made me stronger, your caprices I shall no longer tolerate.
One day you’ll be stained with weakness, the one you tried to instill in me and others alike
And you’ll realize all you are is a disturbance, a wave on the bay, a suspicious seiche.
And for teaching me pain I thank thee,
For I would never do to another what you have done to me,
Not to a friend, not a foe, not my greatest enemy
I have one more thing to tell you, so as have I, listen patiently.
I never asked to meet you, this has been a toxic affair-
I doubt you’ll be able to conceive this, so I’ll send it in a prayer,
That one day you will be nothing – vapour, a vague toxicity in the air,
But until then, remember me as one not conquered and take care.
kasia halawa